Big Fat Fanny Goes To The Splatterhouse

The last sunny Sunday

2007-10-22T11:50:00.001-07:00

Sunday was as action-packed as the previous two days. We slept as late as we could... Getting in at 3:30 made that s must. Once we we're moving, it was mass at St Louis by 11. It was fun and different - turns out the it's the oldest operating church in the US. I'm pretty sure they said 218 years old. Brunch was right next door, again at Muriel's. Dear Dana had creme brule french toast and I, the alligator hash. As amazing as it had been the day before. On the other side of the church was the museum of Louisianna history, also... Fun. After that, darkness in the form of a nap. Dinner was served after a lovely stroll through the garden district. The Commander's Palace was exquisite. Finally, we caught the end of Borat and then to sleep.

2+ years later, New Orleans is still recovering.

That voodoo that you-do

2007-10-21T22:02:00.001-07:00

So, Saturday. We couldn't be bothered to leave the hotel until early afternoon, and only then did so because of our hunger. Muriel's was the place for lunch - I had a fantastic chicken+pasta dish, iced tea and bloody mary, while the sweet miss went the club sandwich route (hold the bacon and turkey). Later, we found some art for ourselves and treasures for loved ones before returning to the hotel for a clean-up and walk down to St. Louis street for some dinner at NOLA. Seriously, great. Stuffed, we walked to Jackson square to have our palms read by Jerik. Turns out we're an open book AND extremely compatible. No surprise. Finally we did one last costume change and cabbed it to Tipitina's @ 501 Napoleon for Mr Eugene Hutz and his band known as Gogol Bordello. The show was fantastic and although we weren't able to meet our favorite Ukranian in the end, it was such a great end to a most perfect day.

picture to follow...

Way better than Old Orleans

2007-10-20T11:02:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was pretty much the easiest travel day ever. No delays, no rush, lots of food and plenty of time for fun once we landed. Routing through DEN, Dana and I landed at New Orleans' MSY airport at 5:15pm central time. We were to the hotel and out walking with plenty of time before our 7:30 haunted tour of the French Quarter.

Once we were done with the ghosts, the night was filled with pampering and relaxation. I also revealed that we're going to see Gogol Bordello on Saturday night, something we're both really excited about!

As an aside, we're planning a Wizard People, Dear Reader night in Eugene early in November. The food to be served will mimic the Halloween scene in the movie. Thank you Raul for hosting, and thank you sweetie for suggesting!

Han? Han Solo?! Man, I haven't seen you since high school!

The night was even more hoary and mysterious than usual.

Seeing off the SeaTac sweetie

2007-09-11T08:38:00.001-07:00

No one, neither puggle nor Jew, escapes the "drink all your water, Johnny" police that work at the airport. I actually saw two power-drunk rent-a-cops double-team a dude with their pepper spray and nightsticks because he tried to slip past them with a fruit punch juice box. I would have reported it but they made vague and threatening comments about ever seeing my luggage again. The closer you drift to Tacoma the more you get a sense of it being every man for himself.

Elementary my dear Watson

2007-09-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

Chase Lake elementary, Edmonds school district. I'm liking it so far, but the 8:20 drop-off is making it difficult to make it to work before 10am. I'm going to have to make it up in the evenings and early mornings when I'm childless.

Downtown, between Hither and Thither streets

2007-09-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I've traded India (GMT +5.5) for western Europe (GMT +1) which makes for some early-ass meetings. This morning was the Danish uber-crew from our hosting provider who told me "we'r in yr datacentr, tweakin yr srvrs!". And my response: lol stfu kthx.

You might be in Tukwila if...

2007-09-04T20:00:00.001-07:00

Ethan and I were drooling over totally different things in this case. He wanted the giant diamond so much he was willing to trade his Wii. It was strange and familiar to be back at the southcenter mall... I kept looking for Sir Mix-A-Lot, but I guess he was shopping at Northgate or Alderwood.

Pee-juggin it

2007-08-31T17:41:00.001-07:00

A pee jug in and of itself... Not that interesting. But in this, my most shockingly personal post, I too have a pee jug story to tell.

When I moved to Seattle, it was a night of white-knuckled, 24-foot truck driving fun. After somewhere in the negborhood of 6 hours on the road, I was tired and although my truck's tank was on E, my tank was on F. An empty Diet Coke bottle was both the question and the answer. Try as I might though, I couldn'a find a time that the traffic was moving slow enough that I could fill the wee bottle. Anyway, I almost hurt myself from holding it so long, but all ended up ok. I went in a deserted hospital overflow parking lot.

The end.

Laying with a gibbon

2007-08-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

On this, the first night of my new employment, we're laying on the living room floor watching some PBS and trying to hack into my own WaMu bank account. Today was good -- everyone was nice to me and I had a free V8 from the break room. I can only imagine how great tomorrow is going to be.

Even though it was impossibly far in the distant past, last night we watched the first three episodes of the 3rd season of The Office. The first episode, "Gay Witch Hunt", made me so uncomfortable I snorted several times. Also... there was a sequence where Michael gives Dwight M&Ms that delighted me.

Finally, snips and snails and puppy-dog tails, that's what little boys are made of.

Ah, de bech.

2007-08-25T23:22:00.001-07:00

Alki in the eve with boys and sweetie. Soon dinner, then wii. Welcome to Seattle.

--- MAJOR UPDATE ---

We had pizza at Pegasus, for the boys it was cheese and olive, while I went on the thrill-ride that is Tom's Special. Let's just say that there were sunflower seeds and I ate it like I was a zombie and the slices were living brains, cradled in a skull-chalice. Now that we live in Seattle, this is pretty much what we do.

Also, I start work again on Monday.

You must be kidding.

2007-05-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

On a positive note, I'm alive. Also on a positive note, I feel great. At present I'm cooking along with Anand, my driver for the week, headed from the airport in Mumbai to Pune (Poo-Nay). I feel like I'm on The Amazing Race!

Unfortunately, there's bad news: my chemodan seems to have wanted an extra day in Germania, and has remained behind. So... no clothes, bathroom stuff, shoes or chargers. Ug. I guess the upshot is that I'll get some new things, since, as Anand put it, clothes are Very Important. Lufthansa gave me 4,000 rupees ($90 USD) to say they're sorry, and to stop me from pressing charges. Now, if I could just manage to get some diarrhea, THEN we'd be talking.

[Again, relevant picture to follow]

Mumbai is Bombay, like Finkel is Einhorn

2007-05-12T05:20:00.000-07:00

After my lunch fit for Hitler himself (were he German), I swaggered to my Lufthansa flight to Mumbai. Although my tour of Germany was hardly complete, I did enjoy my little layover. I'd also just like to say that my malaria pills never tasted so sweet as when I washed them down with some German beer.

Now then, time to settle in for my 8 hour flight into India, and hopefully get some rest.

[Relevant picture to follow]

... and lunch is served.

2007-05-12T03:34:00.001-07:00

Chamoros. MMM. Sounds delicious.

Phase 1 (mainland Europe), complete

2007-05-12T03:19:00.001-07:00

Turns out that 9:00am on German watches is midnight back home. Although I was a old-person sammich on my 10 hour flight, it wasn't all that bad. I'm really tired now though and after having spoken with a sleepy sweetie, I'm doing some fine dining (sausages w/ mustard, sour kraut, beer). My flight to Mumbai is in an hour so it'll be a dash back to the gate after my little pit stop.

Sorry mom and dad for not calling before I left, it was a race against some real obstacles. I'll gave a ring when I'm on the ground in India.

Bombay the hard way

2007-05-11T13:43:00.001-07:00

Let's quickly get current - the past 8 months have been tough. Everyone close to me knows that my return to the blog represents a light at the end of the tunnel. Although it's certainly big news that I'm moving to Seattle, and that I'm approaching the end of my time at Symantec, the latest blog-worthy topic is my impending trip to India.

Sameer is eagerly rubbing his hands together, waiting for me to come and shop for gold jewelry with him. Also, I'm taking suggestions for wild activities that I can dare my driver to do. I've heard that traffic on the streets is awesome. I keep telling people at work that I'm going to rent a car and drive around - so far it's been unanimous: "Dude, bad idea."

Also, very quickly, Hot Fuzz is awesome!

An afternoon on the Gold Coast

2006-09-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

On our second day, which happened to be a Saturday, we drove down to the beach and watched kids play in the surf and teenagers play rugby or sun themselves.

Jeff talked me into going on The Slingshot, whuch was a blast... He bought the DVD footage from the camera that was staring us in the face... I'm going to try to YouTube it so you can see how I look when I think I'm going to die!

Much of the rest of the day was spent in cafes or strolling along quiet streets with the ibis, parrots and people wearing flip-flops.

Again, jet-lag got the best of me by about 8:00pm... Lucky me, I get to wake up at 4:00am!

Landed in Australia...

2006-09-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

Funny thing, I'm at the airport in Brisbane about to travel home and I'm just NOW posting all my pics.

After we landed way back on the 15th, we (Jeff, Michael and myself) drove into downtown and freshened up in the hotel. By quarter-past-lunch we were at the office brimming with bleary-eyed, jet-lagged goodness. As night fell, we ventured out and being that it was Friday night the streets were packed... The pic is of some Pacific Islander dance group that was performing with girls dancing and guys taking care of these crazy percussion-tube things.

As I recall, I was asleep by about 7:00pm.

Burning Man: Day 9

2006-09-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

Where The Man once stood

Nothing keeps the dust out, even stuff issued by the military

In front of the ramp of death

Sadly you can see neither the flames on the ramp nor his crash landing

I call this piece "A Thin Man, With Dust"

Heading homeward

I was up at the crack of 7:45am, well before the others. I packed all my bags, ate my breakfast, went down to the bathroom and had my mind set on going out with a bang. Although the weather was pleasant at the camp site, out on the playa the dust was so thick you could barely see 5 feet in front of you. I wandered in the fog for a bit and slowly corrected myself enough to make it as far as the temple. I took a last look and wrote up a little note to the boys, my little shining stars. Tonight the temple is to be burned, but I won't be there for it -- Melissa would like to leave somewhere around 10am. I set off again into the wind and dust, this time my heart lead me to the site where The Man had burned last night. It was really magical -- the wind and dust died completely around the site where he used to be and about 30 people had gathered to mill about amongst the ashes and twisted metal. My stay there wasn't an extended one ... it was about time for the others to be getting up and preparing to head out. Before I reached camp though, I did witness "the ramp of death" which was constructed from a shipping palette and some boxes. The idea was to ride your bike off of it to receive a shot of Jack Daniels (aka "breakfast"). Many tried, few succeeded. It was horrible to watch, but I couldn't look away.

When I got back to camp everyone commented on my white hair and beard... the dust had returned with me (see pics)! The gang was ready to go about 30 minutes after my return and we set off in Melissa's giant beast of a car for SF. We sat and waited in line for about 2.5 hours to get out of there, but once we were rolling it was a straight shot all the way back to the bay area.

And that's that! I was on a plane and back in Oregon my about 1:00pm the next day and the rest, as they say, is history!

Burning Man: Day 8

2006-09-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Pretty much what it looks like

The Cathedral

Inside the cathedral, and one of my favorite pics

Mom and "Popsicle"

A Black Rock Ranger guards the man as he is disassembled for the burn

Playa art

The highest point I could find. To the left is center camp and to the right, major points of interest.

Pizzas in the making

Adam at The G-spot

The girl being painted demanded side burns and a moustache -- she would only speak as a German but in a French accent

More painting

Some guy

Pope Reggie says "Kiss it"

Tramp(oline)s

Another of my most favorite pics

Pre-burn the laser pointers were out in force

Art being created

People huddled around the fiery serpent

A fire dancer at the edge of the playa

Art car of DOOM

Dancing beneath the lights

Making out in the Belgian Waffle

Mr. and Mrs. Claus

Sparks flying as captured by some extended shutter action

I woke up early, around 8:00, and was filled with playa-lust. With bandanna / goggles firmly in place I raced away from camp with such a passion that I greeted the Esplanade breathlessly and with the sound of rushing blood pounding in my ears. I rode for hours, my camera never returning to its pouch once. Only pizza could take me away from the open and dusty playa -- by 12:30 I had returned to camp for Tom who was equally eager to try his hand at pizza sculpting. As #344 and #345 we were immediately allowed to enter and begin our labor of love. We each were allowed to make 2 pizzas, one for us, the other to be gifted as part of the random pizza experience. Our gift pizzas came back to camp with us and fed all who were present. At that moment we were elevated to the status of heroes within the camp and although we were not hoisted on shoulders, I still was treated as a champion.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent down at the G-Spot where a rapid succession of drinks, photos, face paint, nice folks from Seattle, trampolines and music left me breathless... literally. On a whim, I attempted my first back-flip and although not successful at first, was eventually able to land one... and then another... and then another. I couldn't stop! Night was approaching and the burn was close. We (Tom, Adam and myself) headed back to camp to dress up and make our way down to watch The Man's last stand.

* * * * *

The burn was intense! Fire dancers twirled their molten orbs as 40,000 people watched the man stumble and eventually fall into a blazing heap. I walked the length of the Esplanade: from the Belgian Waffle to the Opulent Temple. I made a few stops along the way, leaving the group behind in an attempt to spend my last night at Burning Man reflecting back on the week and getting myself ready for the long, emotional journey home.

Burning Man: Day 7

2006-09-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

Art people

Life masks drowning in the sand

Lo-fi PiP

New friends. As loud as they were, I don't blame them... I blame The Man

Half of this year's theme... Hope.

Sharon from Isreal. He rode up to me and asked if I spoke Hebrew. I said, "Which desert do you think this is??"

Mmmm, toasty

All dressed up and no place to go

Borat says "High five!"

Motorized mini-cakes

A late night is off-set by an equally late morning. I hate sleeping in the heat of mid-day, which crept in earlier than its namesake -- by 10am it was scorching. This contributed to my slow departure from camp, some time just after the noon hour. I have been existing thus far without pain, but I had an initial destination of the Temple of Tears to spend some time with ghosts: past, present and future. It was hot in the temple and an eclectic band played in what appeared to be slow motion; the individual players being crushed by the invisible but omni-oppressive lack of any detectable breeze. I walked between all the little signs, taking with me a little energy and sadness from each. I became lost in my own head, and wandered away from the place of sorrow to be alone. I eventually returned to the temple, but had no life left in me for it, and so moved on.

Back at camp, I gathered Larry and Tom for a pit-stop at center camp, the foot wash place and then The Man for the parade of pasties, the noisy neigborhood of nipples... it was critical tits! It was a total zoo, but after the ladies had left the starting gate, the three of us found a good spot along the flight path to observe the 25 minutes worth of smiling, waving and nervous-but-always-shirtless ladies. There was an after party, but we had our own back at the camp to attend -- margaritas were on the menu and everyone was feeling thirsty in the afternoon heat. The only person to stop by was Steve (from work) but it hardly mattered since we were now a small army of 16 within our own camp.

Night fell with howls from camps far and wide; Tom and I had tried to gain access to the Random Pizza Experience, but failed. We were sent away with promises of "tomorrow, tomorrow" and with empty bellies. We did receive a gift-slice which boosted our spirits and glucose levels. I was eager to get back to camp to gather my cameras and head out for a night of photography. It was rough going with my mini-tripod and woefully inadequate technology... but fun was impossible to avoid, specifically down at the Thunderdome. A drunk Hispanic man borrowed my bike for a bit, which was a little concerning but had a happy ending. I was back at camp not long after midnight -- only Ben was there, nursing his rash, which was nice (the quiet, not his rash). The two of us, acting as our own platoon, held down the proverbial fort as our alter egos (he as the Private, me as the Major) until the wee hours when everyone else returned.

Burning Man: Day 6

2006-08-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

Tom prepares to hit a "home run"

It has been stated that the brain is the largest erogenous zone. That makes this a dirty picture

It's a jam-session with a utilikilt and propane tank

Green machine

I'm pretty sure his teeth are real

Did I mention that I love big, reflective glasses?

JD goes down soooo smooth. He's being rewarded, for what I'm not sure

The family that dresses in green and trampolines together, stays together

"Derrick"

Little Kyle with freshly applied sparkle

I woke up again with my eyes glued shut -- my hair is a dusty, matted mess but I'm growing accustomed to dawning dark goggles and a bandanna first thing in the morning so it goes largely unnoticed. After the bathroom (the same one where the girl told me about her new religion... wait, did I forget to note that?? Although I don't remember her name, she screamed "I LOVE MUCUS" at me when I blew my nose, standing half in and half out of a Johnny On The Spot. We talked for a bit but the parts worth taking away were 1.) she did a hand-stand so that I could retrieve chap-stick from her upside down utility belt and 2.) she had created a theory of the origins of the universe (a religion if you will) that has been documented @ her myspace page.

I went down to center camp for ice -- 10 bags was way more than I expected and although I found places for all of it, my bike was not ridable and I walked back to camp. The ice was distributed and as a group we headed back to center camp: me for pictures, the others for coffee. Coffee was drank, pictures were taken... both were a complete success.

The briefest of pit-stops was made at the foot washing station as the slomads zig-zagged up to 6:45 x Chance street: the G-Spot Bar. We made friends (some clothed, some less than), we took pictures and we drank some lemonade-vodka combination. The pack consisted of Larry, Tom, Ben and myself and as the day drew on, our next stop called.

The boys knew of some theme camp that was having some sort of tea party -- as we drew close, Tom ran into one of his many lesbian friends and many empty promises of "getting together" were exchanged. Actually, tomorrow is her 26th birthday, so we are seeking now a gift worthy of Burning Man. Tea was nice and consisted of two types of tea, cookies, a heavy creme (55% milk fat) and a motherload of lounging. Lazy as we were, the energy to move on was eventually gathered and, sick from sun exposure, the troop came back to camp for rest and dinner. We had couscous and chicken with carrots somewhere on the side.

As a side note, earlier in the day at the G-Spot I was given the "playa name" of Steve... it was well received, but did not stick for more than a few minutes.

The sun went down and the weather was perfect; warm with no wind at all. Although I was torn between going out by myself for some night photography and partying with the team, I figured that I would wait for another evening to capture the night and we set off for the Lost Colony (tea from earlier) to greet the remaining members of the night's traveling side show. Soon after, there were disco parties, parties where everyone was dressed as cats, and parties that we were only invited to because some guy accidentally smacked Melissa in the head while flailing about in the streets. In that particular instance we ran into Paul Rubens and David Arquette who were sitting off to the side smoking cigars and generally seeming to enjoy themselves. They were gawked at and awkwardly chatted with and although Mr. Rubens took my picture (because he loved my fuzzy, pink, wide-brimmed hat) they clearly wanted to be left to themselves.

Down @ the playa, Thunderdome was in full swing -- naturally Tom and I scaled the side of said dome to witness what appeared to be a loving couple bashing the living heck out of each other with feet, fists and padded bats. It was a horrible thing to watch, and by horrible I mean gorgeous beyond belief. In the end they embraced and stumbled from the battle zone with punch-drunk smirks on their faces. Tom's love interest, aka "plan maybe" had had enough and requested an escort back to her camp. After an awkward departure between Tom and the miss, we negotiated our way to the playa for a last attempt at fun, and although much was happening we couldn't find a place to land. Melissa and Ben went up to the Opulent Temple to feed their inner groove-child, while Tom and I, having not given up hope but completely exhausted, headed in the general direction of 3:45 x Guess (aka "home") As we were about to turn up one of the road perpendicular to the Esplanade, I spotted Steve, a co-worker, which was really nice. He was with a group that was about to depart but I gave him my coordinates and he promised to stop by.

Although we were soon back to the camp and asleep, Tom and I did have one last mini-adventure before returning home. From atop an art car (really, a bus) a, in Tom's words, "thick blond" expressed her approval of my evening fashions, namely my big pink hat. Without hesitation, I threw it up to her for what I thought would be an invitation to climb aboard or a quick inspection and a prompt return of said hat. I received neither. She did indicate where she could be found later (4:00 x Guess) so round 2 and my pink hat may be in my near future.

Burning Man: Day 5

2006-08-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

My magic carpet

Angel. A fire dancer from LA

Dust tornado. This one missed our camp, but its big brother was soon behind

A daytime view of the fire-breathing serpent

In years past this was called the Temple of Tears...

Solar-powered, L-wired, desert-grown sun flowers

The ravenous, blood-sick creature

In another life, I believe this was a parachute

The parachute from a distance

He seems friendly enough, a bit like Salad Fingers

Officially the Belgian Waffle House, but to me the Matchstick Palace

Inside, looking out

I love big, reflective glasses

Although friendly, I learned waaaay more about these two than I wanted to. Seriously.

Back at camp (inside the dome)

I woke up around 10:00am feeling like a sack of crap. A few hours of sleep and curled up on a little fold-out bed found me in a less than optimal state for sure... my eyes were crusted shut and hurt when I blinked them; it felt a bit like gluing sandpaper to the inside of my eyelids. Thinking back, it didn't help that we've got a shortage of clear (night) goggles and I went without for much of last evening.

Regardless, it was a gorgeous morning and I quickly devoured a breakfast of granola, a banana and sunscreen. The playa was calling, largely because I left my water bottle out at the far edge of the ridable space last night. I made a straight shot for the perimeter fence to recover my lost decanter -- it was not to be: there was no sign of my lost item, nor the resting spot I had assigned it. It's fine, I suppose -- I'll try down at center camp's lost + found, and I've still got my CamelBak.

The temp was right, the light was excellent and I was in a picture taking mood. I made my way haphazardly through the desert, bouncing from art installment to art installment, meeting many friendly people along the way. Of particular interest was a giant parachute-type thing that was suspended by bamboo that flexed in the wind. It became both a shade structure and a fluid piece of art. Loved it.

The 5 hours spent cruising around in the sun gave me plenty of time to reflect on life and after the massive sand storm that shook the camper's (and campers') foundation I was feeling completely exhausted but agreed to go out to the "white party" at the Opulent Temple. On the way we (Larry, Ben, Tom, Adam, Peter, Sandra and myself) stopped in at The Bad Idea Theater (still our fav.) to watch Wizard People, Dear Reader (illegal-art.com) which was hilarious. The others were on foot so Tom and I rode our bikes up to the party and gyrated in a sea of dust and white for about 30 minutes before the others joined us. I eventually journeyed back, alone, to find my bed waiting. I stood at the foot of my bed, briefly, and then fell both onto my face and into a deep sleep.

Burning Man: Day 4

2006-08-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

People doin things that feel good

Like an ant hill that a kid poked with a stick. See how many people you recognize!

I call him Steve

Camp-mates Lizette and Erin

A view of Center Camp from the coffee line

Burning (wo)Man pose

Today started out slow -- I was up by 8:00 (before the heat) and went out on my own for a little bit. I circled down by center camp and was later joined by Adam, Tom and Larry for photos, coffee and updating our contact info so Larry's daughter and nephew (Melissa and Ben, respectively) would be able to find us when they arrive tonight. We tried some lemonade and stumbled around meeting lots of nice people. One big stop was The Deep End -- a day-time dance party; lots of great people to watch (see the pic of the green-haired guy with horns...). We also made a stop by the vinegar foot wash, as Adam has the onset of "playa foot". The whole process felt great, especially the balm that was individually packaged and smelled suspiciously of petroleum jelly.

After our feet were pristine, we biked up from 6 o'clock towards 10. We found a giant see-saw that, even though 3 people limped away with broken legs last year, Adam and Tom were first in line for. After, and with all legs in working order, we made some quick stops (talked with "God", etc.) and then back to camp to eat and cool off. Naturally we stopped at the Bad Idea Theater on our way back for a drink and a quick review of this evening's upcoming features.

We regrouped after sunset and set out for an evening of drinking and dance music. Things went really well but got cold quickly. We got back to camp around 11pm and found Melissa and Ben, fresh from the road. The whole troop ventured out and wandered the playa for hours on end, drifting from art car to party to art car again. At some point we were informed that it was 5:00am and thus we begin our long trek home.

Exhausted, we all passed out on impact.

Burning Man: Day 3

2006-08-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

The Dome

Constructing said Dome

Our first sunset, taken from street level

We slept for what I believe to be 6 hours; Larry, Tom and I woke up collectively in a scorching hot camper. Adam opted to stay up until 7:30am and then sleep in the car. During the night Adam found Pete and Art and after stumbling from our cave-on-wheels to observe our surroundings really for the first time, we packed up and joined our friends.

Today was largely dedicated to building out our campground and arranging our belongings into sensible piles. We did venture out a few times, center camp for coffee + ice, the human carcass wash to check that out (chock full of homo-erotic goodness, btw) and of course out onto the playa to inspect the new stuff. The goggles that Larry brought have been a lifesaver; I've been wearing them constantly. No wind, no dust, minimal sun. Ahhhh.

The sun has just set and although the winds have picked up, people are taking to the streets and getting ready for a late night. I'm not sure what tonight holds but I've heard tales of art-cars that roam the dark outer reaches of the playa in search of passengers and party-goers. Things are looking good and I'm enjoying myself on this, the dusk of my first full day.

...

We adventured out, me wearing only shoes and a pair of silk pants from Walmart in Reno. The winds were so high that we had to wear masks and goggles -- our party-hopping was short lived, but we did find one diamond in the rough; at The Bad Idea Theater we sat and tried homemade beer and watched the first 10 minutes of the movie "Forbidden Zone". A must see, but it's only for those with a senses of humor.

Burning Man: Day 2

2006-08-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

Thus begins our exodus from Reno... in theory. It's 5:00 and we're STILL unable to get out of town. Getting... closer.

Larry (pictured above left) guards our mondo stack of H20 with Tom (right)... 50 gallons.

I'd also like to add that my right hip hurts. It's going to be a long 8 days.

UPDATE:
We arrived at the front gates of Black Rock City @ 9:00pm and found shortly thereafter that the camping spot we had pre-selected was for "theme camps" only. Having been separated from Pete and Art just before we stopped for our "Indian" tacos, we circled the adjacent blocks without finding either of them. After a half-hearted search attempt, we biked out onto the playa (not pronounced like "playa-playa girl" as it turns out) and watched the teams construct the giant art exhibits to be revealed later this week.

We met several people -- Roland (a programmer from SF, who wore a suit and offered Maker's Mark to our four-man team), Candy (officially part of the Burning Man TV troop), Alex & Giles (A couple from Toronto) for example. We also watched The Vampirates, who played some lovely thrash-metal while we lounged below their makeshift stage / bar out near 10 o'clock. There were also two girls being whipped by an unnamed man in a giant cavern made of what appeared to be oversized matchsticks.

I've been taking it easy on my hip and so far I've been pain-free. Also, and remarkably, my eyes and skin are so far unaffected by the wind, sun and dust. I'm hoping that my good fortune lasts a few more days.

Burning Man: Night 1

2006-08-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Not much to report... We made it to Reno. Exhausted, Larry (pictured) and I prepare now for slumber.

Burning Man: Day 1

2006-08-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

I got in to SFO at 7:30am and was promptly picked up by Larry. We worked until about 3:30pm getting things ready and making sure all supplies were accounted for. As of this post we are officially on the road.

Tonight we will be staying in Reno, stocking up on groceries and driving through Gerlach to Black Rock City tomorrow morning. I've been painstakingly re-packing my stuff into ziplock bags and whispering sweet promises of over-hydration to my body which is withering in desert-filled anticipation.

I'll be posting as I can, but there's no "connectivty" out on the playa. Many, many pictures to follow :)

Time to rock out...

2006-08-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

... With or without anything else out. After his name caused quite a stir during a recent office inspection, Mr. Thrash was questioned about his immigrant status and the origins of his family's name.

Although he looks Middle-Eastern, Al D'on Rihab "Don Thrash" Tharwah was born in a small Norwegian fishing village. His love of the rock music brought him to the dirty steets of 10292 as a teen-aged boy. He got caught up in a 187 and after taking two hot pieces of lead had one hip replaced (the right) he vowed to dedicate his life to protecting the world from crime and avenge the innocent.

Leveraging his secret identity as a mild mannered application analyst for a local company, Thrash-man walks the streets seeking to extract his revenge on the unjust.

My back yard is all bright and sunny

2006-08-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

Whew, what a day. Little was accomplished but I'm exhausted. It's probably due to the long-distance car travels, but I won't rule out any of the other things going on.

I was pleasantly surprised to find 4 sunflowers blooming in my back yard... It's only a matter of time before they seed and the squirrels come to pillage. I'm considering setting a trap so I can mail one to Dana. I can't wait for the post office to ask if I have anything "perishable, fragile or potentially hazardous" -- all three!

Frogs represent regrets to me

2006-08-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

Although I have to admit that I was looking forward to fortifying myself against MS by licking all the bed-spreads in a budget motel, I'm glad to be home.

The little critters in the picture were part of this giant mob of froglings (soooo wee they were) atop a roadside bathroom light. At dusk they gather to pig out on the little gnats that buzz around the fluorescent flame. This will be the example I will use from now on when I attempt to make the best of a shitty situation...

A change of plans

2006-08-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

Change of plans folks... The last night out along the Columbia River gorge has been cancelled and we will be heading home tonight.

Big thank you to The Dalles (pictured) for their playground and beautiful sunset!

Gettin noisy in Boise

2006-08-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

With a population of 190,000, Boise is Idaho's largest city. Coming up from Utah, I'm amazed at how many coffee shops there are here. I'm talkin THOUSANDS, all indistinguishable from one another. Coffee Joe's, The Bean Factory, Java City, Buzz Factor, Sacred Grounds, etc.

It feels good to be almost home... should arrive Saturday night. Yay! Just in time to unpack my shit and go back to work.

Twin Falls, ID

2006-08-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

I used to know this one guy named Jason -- dude had serious problems in high school with both the teachers and with putting too much product in his blonde mop. His dad used to own the Raxx restaurant on 11th in front of Fred Meyer (now a McDonalds). Anyway, I ran into him in a parking lot shared by an Applebee's and a Target in Twin Falls, Idaho.

Since graduating (way back in the mid 90's) he became a Mormon and moved to Idaho to complete his missionary work. He settled down in Twin Falls after he married the daughter of a car dealership baron. Now he's got 6 kids (2 boys and 4 girls) and is "second in command" of a huge chain of dealerships in the 12 western-most states.

I walked with him back to his beastly vehicle and noticed his odd license plate (pictured). When I asked him about it, he just replied, "Yeah, that's what they call me." No further explanation given.

Staring down the barrel of a T-Rex

2006-08-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

Ogden, home of the ominously back-lit carnosaurs! There is some debate over the actual name of the pictured beast, but what is known for sure is that its diet consisted mainly of the sweet sweet Michaeldon. Any name suggestions??

I also posed the question to Ethan, "Do you want your picture taken with the one that ate only plants, or the kind that ate kids?"

dude... ranch

2006-08-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

We stopped at a "bison ranch" and I was shocked to find these giant, disgusting chickens roaming about!

As a dear friend of mine once said, "Yeehaw!"

Exodus: Colorado

2006-08-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

This, my trip to Colorado with a sky that looks like heaven and an earth that looks like shit. Pictured is hwy 25, north of Denver and headed for the WY state line.

PS: Thank you for the call last night. I'm feeling (a little) better.

An omen in Colorado Springs

2006-07-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

This long-dead bull whispered what I thought was going to be a prophecy of pestilence and famine... Turns out he was just moaning about missing his legs.

Landed in Denver

2006-07-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

The eagle has landed. This is the lovely baggage claim #7 where all passengers of American flight #678 from LA gathered. Soon after this was taken I met up with the fam and headed south-ish for Colorado Springs.

I miss Seattle.

A late-night stroll in SF

2006-07-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

It was late and I was lost... Before collapsing into a glucose-deficiency-coma I swung in a grabbed something quick from this odd little place.

It was like Hotdog On A Stick, only a poorly interpreted verion. It was found at Lombard & Divisidero in SF.

Where I stood while we talked

2006-07-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

This is the view from my hotel room window. Is it like you imagined?

For people who like hair on their chest

2006-06-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

This is version 2.0 of my Summer of Sauce. In this case, I was whipping up a batch of man-potion (no actual "man" was used) -- the green stuffs on top are the jalepeno dicings that were crucial to the overall success of the project.

Thus far I have a 100% thumbs-up rate (pat-on-the-back).

Polly wanna dollar?

2006-06-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I wish I was as full of raw creative talent as this guy. He was in his parrot suit two days running down at the freeway off-ramp.

The funny thing about it is that he was on some guy's cell phone and talking to the radio DJs I was listening to at the time (Donkey Show on 101.5, KFLY). According to them this guy was the SECOND most creative homeless guy they had ever seen -- the #1 guy had a sign that read:

Family killed by ninjas
Need money for karate lessons

I'd empty my wallet for someone who had a sign like that...

My daily dose of sucrose

2006-06-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

What you see before you ladies and gentlemen is my third helping of candy-drenched ice cream. As I'm sure you can tell, the most excellent part was the strawberry-carmel-marshmellow combo.

It is likely that I will need a nap soon.

New tech

2006-06-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Jesse as captured by my new phonecam. I believe her when she says she's sorry for what she's done.

Kustum Plaitz

2006-06-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

There once was a boy named Tony
His fingers were long (and bony)
He was known now and then to enable chargen
And his friends always called him T-Money

Enjoy your summer break!

2006-06-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

As all who exist in the land of academia hover at the verge of completing their spring quarter / semester, I would like to extend an early message of guilt-free pleasure to last through the coming months. That is provided you're not one of the poor souls who has committed to toiling straight through the northern hemisphere's warm months, and will be keeping your nose to the grind so to speak.

Either way, if you need a break, please consider enjoying a clip from The Perry Bible Fellowship collection:

Though I've still got a soft spot for Red Meat, The PBF rocks my world. I hope it will rock yours.

Happy Summer!

"Still wild at 60"

2006-06-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hangin' up in Seattle this weekend - Mollie's mom's 60th birthday was a couple days ago. Ethan, in his infinite boredom, has penned a show tune called "There's A Bad-guy In The Room" (not to be confused with "Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me") and he's gathering an audience as I write this.

Got the nuts?

2006-05-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

Who says Gateway doesn't have it all? This shirt was proudly on display at an unattended embroidery kiosk - my only regret is that it distracted me so much that I missed a photo-op with a guy wearing a "100% Guapo" shirt... dang.

In other news, I went to see X-Men 3 last night... it was fairly enjoyable throughout, but the nod to YouTube with the "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" reference was sublime.

A second encounter with The Electric Six

2006-05-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

Some of my more loyal readers will remember, years ago, my first post about going to see Dick Valentine and his Electric Six. My second encounter is a bit of old news for some, specifically Raul who took the below photos while hopping about in front of the stage, but here they are nevertheless.

Mr. Valentine preaches to the choir

Whoops! That's not The Colonel -- it's Courtney! (Wrong show, but I'll leave it on the page anyway)

It was a good time on the cold streets of Portland... I was reminded of this just the other night. I hope those poor old people driving by weren't offended by my pale, lumpy body which was spotted while I was chaning in the street. Lucky for me (and them!) I have long studied the movements of the Dance Commander and everything ended up like a Mentos commercial.

On a train heading for El Norte

2006-04-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

I got on a train heading north this morning at 9:00 and now, a mere 7 hours later, I'm in Seattle. Well to be precise I'm stranded just south of Seattle in a cold and barren place called "Tukwila" -- it might have two L's... but one can never really know these things.

Big thanks to Raul for the ride and breakfast company!

A bit of the ol' Pisgah

2006-03-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

Now that barfing incidents aren't part of the day-to-day, we again set off for the Pisgah. It was gorgeous out and there was much rock throwing and plant identification by the boys. We also discussed getting a dog for a good portion of the afternoon.

Kutsinhira

2006-03-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

E and I went to our annual Zimbabwe-fest. I brought a chicken salad which was well recieved.

After an hour of marimba E went into the open gym adjacent to the concert and played basketball with the other kids.

What bad people are reincarnated as...

2006-03-11T18:33:00.000-08:00

So, the boys and I were at the hardware store and of course chickens were on sale. Ah, Eugene.

It occured to me that this would be a fitting karmic punishment for all the president's men. That or I'm sure these "meat birds" could be incorporated into a Japanese game show.

Behold, a beach monkey

2006-02-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

¡What a fantabulous day at Devil's Elbow! It was as fresh as if handed to children on a beach -- literally!

Art at the office

2006-02-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

Oh, Cupertino -- How your chromed expression of capitalism fails to impress the worker bees that zip by on their way down Stevens Creek blvd. Oh, Cupertino -- When will you learn?

A winged rat

2006-02-09T00:06:00.000-08:00

Lovely filthy beautiful disgusting feathered creature!

Sutter & Grant

2006-02-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

Just in case I forget where I parked.

Ancient mass-transit systems

2006-02-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

Trollies doin what trollies do down on Market st.

SFO

2006-02-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

This was me a short while ago on the "Blue line" train to SFO's rental car center - I'm now in my car listening to Twisted Sister and G'n'R and I'm feeling like a kid again.

I've got more, but I'll have to get them off my phone when I get back to Oregon.

Now that I'm an old man...

2006-01-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

... I'm going to start talking more and more about the good ol' days. That is, if my feeble mind can recall any even remotely lucid details from the way-back-when.

So, I was talking to these two studs on this totally sweet conference call today, and it came up in the conversation that they had never heard of the "Land Shark". OMG. I thought this was amazingly sad until I searched the web for references / pics. It seems that the Land Shark has been largely forgotten. Well, I'm not sure about that last statement, since I got more distracted than someone eating, drinking and talking on a cell phone while driving after I found the first SNL transcript.

Alright, it's 7:30 and I'm off to clean my dentures and go to bed. Busy day at the senior center tomorrow.

In all seriousness I just realized I'm horrified at the thought
of the dental procedure necessary to remove ALL of one's teeth. Gah.

Black hole sun

2006-01-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

It's been beautiful here the past few days - with the new year comes a new season. Perhaps it's more of the same just around the corner, and this is just a breather... perhaps it's just a different name for the same thing. "Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain?"

As a note, I changed nothing about this photo -- my phone just sort of freaked out when I pointed it right into the sun.

A hot time on the ice

2006-01-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

Late post from "that was so last year... " aka 2005. First there was skating, then there was Boddington's. Ethan had "a miserable time" on the ice.

New Years Eve: flood's a-comin'

2006-01-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

Headed for the hot springs and a peaceful NYE - the boys are staying with Em & Pee, while the river rises ever higher!

Jesus Christ(mas)!

2005-12-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

Another xmas come and gone -- delicious feelings of consumer's guilt coupled with the binge/purge of red-white-green from store shelves. Happy Birthday Jesus!

Someone set up us the bomb

2005-12-24T14:14:00.000-08:00

I expected a nail, but instead while shoe-gazing I found this used "fart bomb" -- can't say I know for sure what it is for but the man (presumably) in the picture wearing cut-off jeans and no shirt gives me some clue that the net effect is less than desirable.

The littlest Jedi

2005-12-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Next year for Halloween I'm going to be Obi-Juan and Max will be mini-me. I'm still working on getting him to kick ass in the name of the dark side.

Me, the dumper

2005-12-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

Went to the dump, threw the old, broken oven (door pictured) into the scrap metal bin. The nice woman who works there (I will call her 'queen of the harpies') screeched at me to "just throw it in" which would have been funny had it not almost killed me to do so. MF weighed as much as me! (the oven, not the woman)

Sweet babies

2005-12-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

The boys, riding one of those mechanical cars that vibrates in place - off screen is their father, a man too cheap to give them a quarter. See their broken little hearts?

I'm sitting down at The Beanery listening to Things The Grandchildren Should Know (Eels) and the beat from the song is exactly in sync with the fan overhead, making the fluorescent light behind it blink on an off. I feel a seizure coming on... mmmm, delicious.

Judo chop!

2005-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

We'll call this man "Frank" -- Frank is demonstrating how we warm up for the deadly "Brown Kick". He is a violent criminal - Later he will punch an old lady in the face.

The intake process

2005-11-27T20:26:00.000-08:00

Lets take a walk down memory lane... this is a pic of my fav b-fast just before I spewed digestive acid on it and slurped it down. This is not another series opener - My Mexican scramble stands on its own!

What food done looks like when you swallow it

2005-11-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

Max is a little bite of food - see how easily he slides down this scale-model of my digestive tract?

Autumn is here

2005-11-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

Above is the view for outside my office - with skies this gray, my pale skin will only get paler.

... and God created cosmic bowling

2005-11-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

Holy over-stimulation Batman! You'll be glad to know, loyal reader, that your humble narrator was able to destroy all competition at the Cosmic Bowl this day.

Blinky, the birthday gril

2005-11-06T13:25:00.000-08:00

First we ate, now we are watching kids doin kid stuff. Next will be bowling.

Working at night

2005-11-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

So, while the boys are hard at work, somewhere buried in the concrete bomb shelter that is our work-place, I am surfing the web and calling my boss while he plays poker. Aside from a brief read on the differences between socialism and communism, I've found very little to report.

That was until I discovered this video. Oooooh, baby! The scene where they're doing synchronized nun-chucks is my fav. I was going to say I liked best when they're all repelling down the side of the building, but after having watched it twice, it's just too surreal to call "my fav".

I swear the third from the left is the one guy from The Black-eyed Peas

Werk

2005-11-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

This is where I go all day.

Blinking lights and other revelations

2005-11-04T17:52:00.001-08:00

You can almost feel your retinas burning... this is a look straight down the barrel me my little LED light. See how I amuse myself?

Halloween has come and gone

2005-11-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

Oh, to be a kid with a mohawk post-Halloween.

I never need to use my computer again!

2005-11-01T14:26:00.000-08:00

I had totally forgotten that I even HAD a blog - but then something magical happened... Blogger sent me an email reminding me that I can send updates from my phone. Tough to do links, but the blog lives on!

Mobilize me!

2005-10-31T22:02:00.000-08:00

baby says mobilize!

Alan Williamson: Across Angry Skies

2005-10-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

I was looking today at my options for martial arts schools in the greater EUG area -- I keep coming back to a particular place that focuses on Qi Gong / Tai Chi / Wing Chun. Although I'm still a year+ away from transitioning away from my current situation, I'm looking forward to doing something else.

It was through that process that the all-knowing GIS lead me to Alan Williamson's site, and showed me that I CAN have a recording studio with a wooden dummy as a central fixture. Flippin sweet.

oh, to be Big, Beautiful and British!

Kick-ass rock n' roll from Siberia

2005-10-15T12:08:00.000-07:00

Since I'm such an avid concert-goer, I just want everyone to know that if you're looking for a shows around town, I'm totally your man. Or not. Actually, I just happened to see that the Red Elvises are coming to town on Oct 26 (John Henry's, down on Broadway & Olive).

I've seen 'em a few times and although they generally have the same set-list, I never tire of their most catchy songs. Mostly I just wanted to put out a general invite to the greater Eugene area to come join me for a Weds night out!

When I see this pic, I hear The Dukes of Hazzard theme...

PS: being fluent in Russian is not a prerequisite for having a good time!

Jive talkin

2005-10-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

I have discovered what I believe to be the modern equivalent of the Rosetta Stone. Jordon's blog will be my interpreter for the younger generation's txt-message lingo.

Unfortunately, in Jordon's case, this younger generation seems to have literally NOTHING to say.

As you can see, it's all a pile of linguistic garbage. How has it come to this?? Jordon??? I must know!

My brain's trying to tell me something

2005-10-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

I really had good intentions, but it seems that this little web log has already become a den of filth. Today will be the last time that I post a pic of anything pornish, and after this post I will refrain from posting anything with the words "muffberry" or "cooter" in it.

Lauren over at Mindful Things showed me this:

I swear that's Laura and Barbara Bush...

I'm off to work -- but before I go I'd like to call everyone's attention to PuppetVision. I'm celebrating Jerry Juhl, come join me!

Let's get down to business

2005-10-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, feelin bloggy.

I'd like to give a shout out to all the hotties with bad boob jobs and their blow-up doll companions... you know who you are. Represent, represent!

d-d-d-double vision!

Anyway, what a day. Well... I have nothing legitimate to moan about, so I'll just end my day with a few links for the kiddies and be off to the bed.

For Halloween Max is going to be Winnie the Pooh. He's already the right basic shape, seems like an obvious way to go.

Although I've really enjoyed some new music lately, my currently can't-stop-listening-to-it album is Death Cab for Cutie's Plans. A bit like The Flaming Lips... juuust a touch more mopey. Excellent for remembering those times with her.

Lastly, I had this bad dream the other night -- I was doing all the things I normally do during the day, but I was wearing NO PANTS. And it wasn't even May 5th!Awwww, dawg! I'm pretty sure this is the first time that anyone has ever had this dream.

That's it for me. Goodnight.

Crisis averted

2005-10-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

Whew. Killed the old blog. Not really sure why, now that I've done it... I find it hard on me emotionally to burn bridges, so I guess the bastards will never know what I really think of them.

Anyway, if anyone out there wants to know what I ate between Aug 15 - 21, I'd be glad to re-post.

Introducing...

2005-10-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

OMG. Funny story: I had another blog. Although it wasn't successful by any stretch of the imagination, SOMEHOW a person that I previously worked with found it. I didn't highlight her in a particularly glamorous way, and I have decided to abandon that effort.

So, the name has changed but the rarely-updated content will be as good as ever!